so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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