I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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