I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
