Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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