finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
