go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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