She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
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