My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
