Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
there was a trapeze. enough said
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
