Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
false alarm, still single
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