I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize