the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize