i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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