My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
