I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
