Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
