so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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