Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
