she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
