AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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