dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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