well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
tell me about the fingering
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