don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
