She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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