Me. At least after what I've been through.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
