I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
