how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
only if we run a train.
done.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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