So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
