I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
