he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
