Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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