Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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