do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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