You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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