the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Randomize
