we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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