I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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