If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
