When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize