Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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