I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
