I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize