just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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