Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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