we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
