Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
