On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
