you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
