Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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