Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
