you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize