there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
