I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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