im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
