You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
