i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
