I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
