i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
