I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize