So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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