I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
