There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
