im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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