just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
