Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
