I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
