I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
