i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
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