when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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