there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize