I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
