So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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