I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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