rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Still dying that you shit outside
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
