at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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