he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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