the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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