my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
