So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize