I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
