batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
