Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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